New Grounds

I'll let you know when I'm there.
To see you happy, I'll let you know.
I'll let you know how I am,
To see you happy, I'll lie.
I'll let you know where I am,
But you won't find me.
I'll show you the field i sow,
Tall buildings, small people.
I'll walk miles with you,
Just to see you happy.
I'll tell myself this lie,
"Just to see you happy".
I got the eye thats above and beyond,
But I have lost a lot for this.
But "I'm happy", I guess,
"Just to see you happy".
I'll show you my heart,
Such a piece of art,
Abstract.
I'll tell you I don't exist,
"Just to see you cry".
I'm a storyteller that's what i do,
Tell stories.
Sky below, earth above,
I fall head down,
But thats how I see it,
"Sky below, earth above".
So i reach new oblivions,
Break new grounds.
I guess "I'm fine",
If thats what they call it.
I can't drown further,
Reached the bottom,
Still alive.
King of the dead fish,
And death, my slave,
"Conquered" new ground,
Years ago.
I age twice,
"Compelled" new ground.
Fades away.
I'll take you to a room,
Lock you inside myself,
Scared?
You should be.
"Undesired" new ground.
No escape, no way out.
I'll take you far away,
To a place between sky and earth,
Leave you there,
Alone,
Scared again?
You shouldn't be,
I'll be there,
Upside down,
Watching you.
I'll show you how i dissolve,
Within my own breaths,
Amazed?
"Achieved" new ground.
Dont blink,
You'll miss it,
I'll show you how,
I blow my brains out,
"Suicidal" new ground.
Petrified?
Dont be,
Not my first time.
I'll be your best friend in the dark,
Because it defines me,
I can define it.
Confused?
You should be,
And I am not surprised why,
You've never been in there before.
You dont know how amazing it is,
"Mysterious" new ground.
Stay close,
You might die inside this bowl,
Only "dead fish" lives here,
They know how to survive this.
You don't,
You can't,
You won't last a moment.
I'll tell you what i dream about,
It's a place i go to,
Meet myself, see me old,
Wrinkled and weak,
Shaking and not awaking,
So i sleep young,
Wake up old,
I switched places a long time ago,
With the old man i saw.
He was clever, I was not,
So now I'm the dream,
He's the awakening.
Yes I still linger there,
Captivated within myself,
"Imprisoned" new ground.
The chains heavy,
The room small and dark,
He keeps feeding me,
With fables and things,
I can't comprehend,
And I'm starting to get a liking to it,
Ensuring my life sentence.
I'll do my time,
But I'll be old then,
And "he" would be young,
Like I said,
Upside down,
A place between sky and earth.
Wait till I come out of here,
Just wait I promise i'll be out,
"Unfaithful" new ground.

Lost and Found

Find me, I'm lost somewhere in the light and the dark. Find me, I'm lost somewhere in the black and white. Find me, I'm lost somewhere between life and death. Find me please, I'm lost somewhere in a beggar's pot and a king's crown. Find me, I'm lost in blood and water; one flows from the top of a mountain, the other from a treasure of secrets untold and unheard of. Find me, I'm lost somewhere like centuries dried ink in a book, I'm lost like the treasure of Solomon, like the holy grail, like the book of Eli. Find me, I'm lost somewhere in a dying man's last breath and a newborn's first cry. I'm lost somewhere in humanity and tyranny. Please find me,I'm lost from quiet a while now. I'm lost somewhere in the first glance of love and the last aching goodbye. I have been lost for ages and i will remain that way until you find me. I'm not a treasure but not any less.

Look inside yourself and you might find me. I was there when you conquered the world, I was the apple of your eye when you invented and pondered, when you cared, when you could feel, when you were a man, a human, a creature of God. Find me in the crimson red of your heart and the deep black of your eye. I don't know how you gambled me when both the sides of this coin were the same. Find me if you want to find me. Find me in a mirror staring at yourself or at a window staring at the world. I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere, I'm where you will start looking for me. I'm the dark night in which you sit and cry your heart out. I;m the breaking streak of light into your darkness, I'm the mountain that is little shown and mostly hidden, I'm the flow of water and I'm the beauty of how it never misses it's path, never flows upstream, never fuses into something smaller but larger than itself.

I'm the submission of droplet into a thin stream, the submission of a stream into a river, a river's into a sea and I'm the sea's submission into an ocean. I'm a cycle that never ends, a system that never fails. I'm the day after the lonely night and the night after a tiring and busy day. I'm the cloud that rains and the soil that blooms into fields. I'm the echo in a cave, I'm the silence in a conversation. I'm the blink of an eye and the never ending hot summer day. I'm the sweat of the poor and wine of the rich. I follow a sequence yet i have no pattern. I'm the whisper of an ant, I'm the silence of the thunder. I'm the scent of a page and I'm the knowledge of an old age. I'm the burning candle in the night and I'm the moth that follows the light. I'm the fuel of the burning lamp that shows you the way, I'm the map that never lets you astray. I'm the blackest of the black and the whitest of the white yet I'm grey. I'm the hot blood of the earth and the cold heart of the moon.

Find me, I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere, I am where you will start looking for me. I'm lost and sad, I'm sad because i can see you yet you can't find me. Your thirst can only be quenched if you are thirsty, your muscles relaxed if you are tired, your stomach satisfied if you are hungry, your destination reached if you have one. Please find me I'm a secret known by only a few- and they know how to keep a secret.

It's Not Always That Easy

Why do you make me walk for miles in search of you, what is it that you hold for me, what are you and how are you? I'm tired but do you ever think about this? well, in the first place you never asked me to follow you but i just have to follow why can't you understand i have to keep following you until i'm there and i know i never will be there, its the ground underneath me that will keep going and going back as i advance but i know i'll never reach you. I'll keep walking the earth but i will never reach you. i know you are something, i know you hold something for me, i know you have it with you, but how long do i have to keep running and walking for you? you've got me crawling for you, i call out but you are too far to listen to me, and i know you would stop for me if only you could hear me cry out for you. but yet you keep going and going knowing that i would be shouting at you, blaming you for being too fast. i will swim after you, run, walk and jump off after you. no terrain is too high or rough to reach you. until i have strength and even after it worns out i'll be keep coming and following you. will I ever reach you? this question is the fuel to my struggle.

Where will this search for you take me and in what state would i be then? how would i look after following you for so much longer that i won't even remember from where i started and where it ended. this quest will eventually end, this hope keeps me going on. something fake i know but i'll hold on to it anyway, i'll strangle it to death. it seems like a continuum which means that it's thousands of segments looks the same but both ends of it are different. i want to start the same but end differently. i want to look the same but die differently. i want to be the same but after i'm done looking for you, i want to be different or else all this was for nothing. End me if you can. but no you won't because in order to do that, you'll have to follow me, i'll be your ultimate quest, your search, and i'm not that cruel to put you in the state i am. i am used to how i am, i am used to searching for you, follow you crawling and whining about how hard it is. thats the only way i know, thats the only way i am. but you, you are different, you have been searching too, been hunting for what you've been looking for and now that you have found it, you have became it. you know it's ways, you know how it was, how you are now. so teach me too but your distance from me tells me that this is the only way to learn, the only way to know what you are so i will follow, as long as you can take me, as long as i can follow, as long as you don't get tired and i know you won't, you have your own ways.

What if i finally reach you? how will you ever face me, how did you accepted what you were following? werent you angry how far it was, how long it took you to be there, how you cried and it wont listen to you? how did you then after all this accepted it? i know your answer would be then why am i following you? well that is because thats the only way i know how to live; following you, looking for you, in search of you. what if you don't even exist and all this were just rumors? then i can proudly say that when the world was following earthly desires, i followed you. i followed what i couldn't see but saw, couldn't hear but heared, couldn't touch but touched. you have your own way of making me follow you, you leave traces behind. you leave places behind, memories that tells me you were here. i have always been the past for you but you have always been the future for me. one day i will find you and be you. but i will not make the one following me suffer the way you suffered me. i can now only wish you didnt had the same promising words spoken while you were in my place because if you did, then you are doing it all wrong! And i have been following you ever since to tell you this.

Confessions

I cannot see, i cannot feel
I cannot be myself anymore,
My heart closed, the pain's overdosed
I cannot open the same door,

I run n run but find no place to stay,
I hear ppl tawk abt a place far away
This silence in my hart is giving way,
To the thunders of a judgment day.

I walk in a million, i talk to a billion
But i cnt find solace anymore,
My hart a cactus in a cold dessert
It wont need a rain anymore,

I run n run but find no place to stay
I hear ppl talk abt a place far away,
This silence in my hart is giving way
To the thunders of a judgment day,

I feel lyk burning inside wid arms open wide,
And i dont need a saviour anymore.

The Storyteller

When everything is lost, I know i'll have you. When hope is exhausted, I know you'll be there. But who are you? Why dont you ever say something? Why dont you ever express? Your eyes know something and I know that. You have been places, seen things, felt things. I'm sorry but I know that. Am I supposed to know it? Am I supposed to care? You never ask me for something, never complain, you just sit and listen with your heart wide open to me, feels like being with you, that moment. Who are you? What are you? Why are you this way? And why do I get to know you when I have all these deaf people around me, Why do I want you to listen when I know that you are a momentarily partner in my pain, when I know that when you walk away, You will open this very own heart of your's to something else and forget I even existed, forget we talked, spent some moments together. Are you this way to everyone around you? These questions can never let go of me, never exhausts me of thinking about them. I know there are no answers to them yet I seek them in the lonely night, when I am with me. And there you come again, you sit in front of me, your eyes wait to witness the unfolding of another story, your heart wide open again, do you even care or is it just your habit? Or am I just your hobby? You will listen and I would know where this all will end, yet you listen and I tell. We are both alike, we know where it goes, we know what happens when the story ends, Isn't that knowing each other?

Kingship

Everything happens for a reason, it gives way to another thing happening, there's no such thing as chaos or uncertainty, it all happens - slowly, silently, behind our backs, we are unaware of the consequences yet we want to be prepared for the worse, we know that we cannot prevent it yet we sharpen our swords, fuel our tanks and keep the jets flying in the air, and when the time does come, we are never ready enough.
               
The fear of the unknown has drowned empires with it, cities lost up till now that are not yet discovered, some under the sea while others in the very earth we walk over. Flesh, blood and bone is no match to what the future holds, yet we claim to be kings and conquerors. The power of a single man can free a thousand of souls from their bodies if the king is tyrant and can give a thousand bodies, souls if the king is just and kind. Kings - oh yes, they have ruled our world from centuries. What makes them the rulers? What do they have that a subject or a common man cannot have? Some are born kings but some find their ways into the palace through streets or even through the courts where plots and deceptions are given birth. One man's death is another man's life, and another man's life is some other man's reason to scheme for the life just snatched. A trade - between life and death, soul and body, loyalty and treason and between a Throne and a Tombstone!

Greed has always poisoned man's soul, it has made him do acts against his principles, his dignity, his honor and even his life. The hope of a better tomorrow kills us, makes us think we are almost there while we are going away from everything that we hold dear, hope; where gives a man life can snatch the very things he once loved, it's a light far away in a tunnel, you can walk to it as long and as much you want to, you'll always see this light far away from you. And while going towards it, you breath poison at every step you advance - Oxygen. Yes, it gets a man old, makes him forget, forget all the ills he has done while he was a young boy but time remembers everything, it is a never ending log that records everything and when the right time approaches, it confronts you with YOU; the unknown you have been preparing for all this time while you were the only creator of it. Being a king, is knowing how to create the unknown, how to control it, how to confront it and how to make it easy on yourself by the time when you will have no strength in your bones left, the muscles of your heart would be weary and you eyes dim and lifeless, wrinkles would be your only beauty you could claim and when your body trembles and creaks. The air a man breathe can do him this good, it can take him this long but the destiny of man is chosen by himself, his monsters and his allies are his choice.

Life allows you to take different paths; and these paths leads to nowhere but to a man's unknown fear. Very few "kings" can understand this, they know how this game is played, they know how to plot and scheme in the courts, how to manipulate, create and tackle their future selves. A sword needs a bearer and a bearer needs the Right, the Will and the Skill to wield a sword - so, a sword needs less than what a bearer needs. A sword can only then protect a man when the sword's needs are fulfilled otherwise a sword is not any less or any more than an ordinary steel - like an anchor to a ship.

Time; as history knows is the true king, the true conqueror of all men, when it goes by it is felt by none but it has a trick it holds secret, and the trick it does is when it slows down on a man - kills him slow and steady, his cries are useless, his struggles carry no weight, his breathes are deep and cold, almost as if "time" is laughing at him and watching him when he wears his strength out and his heart dries out of blood and turns into a dark mass of rotten flesh. Soon his memories begins to fade away, his words forgotten, his image erased, his life; as if never existed on this God's green earth, what left of him is nothing, it is the only mass on earth that can be destroyed and never created again. Everything ends, the lands, the oceans, the rivers, the beauty, the wars, the darkness, the little moments that a man holds dear. What never ends is the sword that he once wielded! The sword remembers it's bearer, it remembers the lessons learnt on it while he used to practice over it, yes; the sword remembers it's kings, the shields it went through, the skulls it cracked open, the taste of fresh blood and the zeal and courage over the battlefield, it remembers everything. Sharpen his sword for the battlefield a king should, for this is his only memento to tell the world that there lived a king who was the ruler of goodwill, an inventor of his unknown fears and who was not a slave to greed, hate and lived his life running from his unknown, he was a king of kings, the only true bearer of the sword he forged with his very own hands - it's handle made of honor and dignity that connects the man and the sword, it's steel forged with gentleness, kindness and love to take heads of the tyrant and the unloved, it's scabbard; the time and the king - the conqueror of time!

Be that King!

The Spent Hours Looking at YOU!

I really don't know what to write although I want to, I'm just looking at people's blogs and thinking what do they write all day long, all the time. Guess i'll never know, maybe i'm not a writer in a way that can write about the daily ups and downs I go through. So i design my blog, configure it here and there, added a few things and removed some, but it makes no difference in my boredom so i finally decided to write anything in here instead. So i'll just write away whatever's going through my mind right now.

                 I love weekends, i really do; but at time they get heavy on me, there are times that i don't know what to do, what to think or even when to think, this numbness in my head gets me really down. The sunlight coming through my window keeps reminding me that there's a lot yet to do. But what should I do? The question of my life! I like it when i'm on to something, i'm that sticky kinda guy who won't give up until he's through with THAT something, so i prefer challenges but they at times can be hard to find and even regretting at times. Should i fix the generator? Naaahhh! its winters, who needs fans on? nobody? oh well then i guess we're cool on this subject. Should I write something? Well Mr.Einstein you're already WRITING something! I think I should hang out with friends, but no, most of them have papers and some are sick while others gone somewhere, GOD this is so boring at times!

                Last night i was watching some show on BBC, they were showing how the art evolved in America from cubism to abstract, there's this thing about abstract that is so indulging, it's wholly based on emotions and feelings and there's no realism in it, some even went on to draw PLAIN BLACK canvases, now one thinks what can it mean? Why would an artist capable of making some beautiful colorful patterns and emotions draw something as plain as this? A black painted canvas, that was all, nothing more or less to it. It didn't matter why they were black, where they were placed is all that mattered. They were 8 or maybe 9 in number, huge, tall and black. their length was more than their width which were hanged vertically in a church, the church was a "secular" one. So as the host entered it, there was a round hall where all these paintings were hanged, black..just plain black. One could see the brush strokes over the canvas, one could see that the painter wasn't joking, was very much serious about doing this. In  churches there are usually paintings done on the windows and on the walls, paintings of Jesus, Mary or a cross maybe, you got the idea, but here there was nothing at all, the hall was just white and these black, tall canvases staring at you as you enter. There was no focus there, all the paintings were facing each other in a round hall, one could not decide where to look and what to look at when you enter. You could be spinning around in it all day. So why did the artist do it? What was the reason behind this? Well, the black paintings all over the hall were depicting equality, and they were placed in front of each other, which gave an idea of a mirror, meaning that those were actually mirrors not paintings, so one could see into them and see his/her own reflection in them. This really struck me, the thought and the intelligence that went into creating a black painted canvas is just unexplainable, this gave me a notion that its not the painting itself that explains the whole for you, its you who does it. I'm forgetting the name of the painter but he was some serious work! A sharp white line dividing a black painted canvas showed the power of an idea, the light into the dark, i really liked his work. Apart from that his paintings were all drips and splashes, he was known as "Jack the dripper", that should help you guys goggling him! A real piece of work!

                    It has always inspired me, the genius work of people, people who thinks outside the box, who looks at world from a different view, from an extraordinary eye. The paintings no matter how abstract they get, they always mean something, they are the emotions not the faces, the ideas, the real ideas, the sorrow and happiness, chaos and calm. Picasso was the inventor of "cubism", this is the type where figures are drawn and that takes you a step away from "realism" the kind which is real and looks real just like a picture. He once went to some museum where the art was sold in petty cash because it wasn't considered much of an art, it was from all around the world, it had those antique things in it which were not much of a show. he came across one of those "African masks" that were said to be an "anti-magic-and-ghosts" mask. Thats where he got an idea of making figures and discrete faces, pretty imaginative!

                     Any kind of an art is worth looking at because it explains life and the things around us so beautifully and so realistically, the artist actually takes time to draw, write or compose whatever s/he feels about it. If its the dead silent streets or the clapping, laughing, dancing or happy crowd, they all mean something and at times, they can mean a total opposite of what the artist is trying to show us, a dilemma is always there and that is the whole beauty of it, it challenges you to find out the answer yourself. And when you do find it out, things are not the same anymore because you get touched by the artist ho gave it so much time just make you realise the truth of things.
                   
                    Well i hope I didn't got you people bored just like I am at the moment, but the fact is, i really don't know what to write in here, I'll keep you updated with my latest encounters with things like these or with things I think that should be known and pondered upon. Peace.